No More Mr. Nice Guy : A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want In Love, Sex and Life
By Dr. Robert Glover
This is a book every man should READ and OWN.
Most boys these days have grown up without the benefit of a strong male role model.
Between single mother households, the female centered public education system and the prevelance of absentee or spineless fathers, boys are suffering.
When a boy lacks a strong male role model, he defaults to being a selfless, passive, people pleasing Nice Guy.
In other words – he defaults to being a spineless wimp.
“What’s wrong with being a Nice Guy?”
“I thought everyone loved Nice Guys?”
Not exactly. Although most women say they all want a Nice Guy, they rarely end up with one..
When Nice Guys do manage to get a woman – they end up getting ghosted, cheated on or dumped. Ask me how I know.
Women create the jerks and dogs they then complain about by fucking over good men.
NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT WOMEN SAY. LOOK AT WHAT THEY DO.
If women say they want a “Nice Guy: and yet the men they date and stay with are all “assholes and jerks”, what does that tell you?
If being Nice was a successful strategy in dating, every man would become a Nice Guy.
It’s the cold hard truth.
Does this sound like you?
Are you always giving more then you get back?
Are you tired of hearing your platonic female friends complain about the asshole and jerks they are fucking? While you get to be their emotional tampon, always wishing for more?
Then it’s time to take back your masculinity, assert yourself and become the integrated male you were meant to be.
Click the Amazon Affiliate links below to purchase your copy of No More Mr Nice Guy:
I highly recommend you grab both the book/ebook and the audio book. This is a book that you will come back to, year after year.
The audio book narration is excellent, with Robert Glover narrating. He has a great voice that is easy on the ears and keeps you engaged.
At this point I’ve listened to the audio book 4 times and read the book 3 times, it still isn’t enough.
Robert Glover holds a PHD in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a self described, Recovering Nice Guy.
Robert has been coaching and helping men recover from the Nice Guy Syndrome.
This world is a cold place for gullible suckers.
Women see Nice Guy’s as weak bitches to take advantage of.
Women always complain about asshole’s and jerks, but who do they choose and stay with?
Exactly. I rest my case
The Main Difference Between Jerks and Nice Guy’s:
The Nice Guy sees reality and people as he wants them to be. (Idealistically.)
The Jerk/Asshole sees reality and people as they are. (Realistically.)
The Nice Guy is a self-less doormat who allows other people to walk all over him.
(Example: Buying gifts, always paying the tab, etc.)
The Jerk/Integrated Man puts himself first, doesn’t care what other people think about him and is selfish.
*TO REALLY BENEFIT FROM THIS BOOK, YOU MUST READ, REREAD, LISTEN AND APPLY THE WISDOM WITHIN, AND YOU MUST DO THE BREAKING FREE:ACTIVITIES LISTED WITHIN THE BOOK.*
Below you will found a breakdown and concise summary of every chapter.
No More Mr Nice Guy PDF
Chapter One: The Nice Guy Syndrome:
“I’m a NICE GUY. I’m one of the nicest guys you’re ever going to meet.”
This chapter starts off by talking about some of the various Nice Guys that the author has seen and treated in therapy.
What do all these nice guys have in common:
They all believe that if they are “good” and do everything “right,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life.
This attempt to be a good involves eliminating or hiding certain things about themselves:
1) Mistakes (These you should hide – women will use these against you, never give a women ammunition. It will be brought up in the future. – Don’t get down on yourself if she witnesses a mistake.)
2) Needs – Be upfront with your needs. Hiding your needs will lead to your needs not getting met. Be upfront and straightforward and give people things to do.
3) Emotions – Tell people how you feel. Call people out on their bullshit. Don’t ever let anyone disrespect you.
A)The guy who lets his wife run the show
B)The buddy who will do anything for anybody (but his life is crap)
C) The guy who is conflict-averse, He is a chameleon who tells one person one thing and another person someone different.
D) The doormat who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
E) The dependable guy who can’t say “no.”
Characteristics of Nice Guys:
A) Nice Guys are givers.
B) Nice Guys fix and caretake.
C) Nice Guys seek external approval from others.
D) Nice Guys avoid conflict (conflict-averse)
E) Nice Guys believe they must hide their “perceived” flaws and mistakes.
F) Nice Guys repress their feelings.
G) Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers.
H) Nice Guys are often more comfortable relating to women than to women.I) Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority
J) Nice Guys often make their partner their emotional center. (They are only happy if their partner is happy.)
What’s Wrong With Being a Nice Guy?
The author has a list of what he considers flaws of the Nice Guy.
The most important one
A) Nice Guys are usually only relative successful.
My personal beliefs:
Nice Guys invest the most in women and people and get treated the worst.
Women only settle for Nice Guys when they are old, used up and their beauty has faded or the bad boy has left her with kids.
Jerks/Bad Boys/ Alpha Males invest THE LEAST in women and treat them the worst.
What are they rewarded with? Companionship. Attraction.
In business and with other males, Nice Guys are the ones who get passed over for promotions.
Women settle for Nice Guys. They then cheat on them with the man they are genuinely attracted to.
Being spineless is not an attractive trait, no matter what anyone tells you.
The biggest reason to stop being a Nice Guy is to stop getting fucked over in dating, in your career and in relationships. Nice Guys are HUMAN DOORMATS.
The Integrated Male (AKA THE ALPHA/ASSHOLE/JERK/:
Being Integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self.
Integrated Male Traits:
A) An integrated male has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
B) He takes responsibility for getting his owns need met.
C) He is comfortable with his mascuilinity and his sexuality.
D) He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
E) He is a LEADER. He is willing to STAND UP to and FOR those under him.
F) He is clear, direct and expresses his feelings. (A Straight Shooter)
G) He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
H) He knows how to set boundaries – and is not afraid to work through conflict.
The Ineffective Nice Guy Paradigm:
If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.
Being nice or a good person counts for absolutely nothing when it comes to dating or your career.
It actually works against you.
“Jim is too nice. He could never be a manager.”
Women stay with good-looking, masculine abusers for years and leave nice guys who actually treat them like a decent human being.
Buy the audiobook and book of No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Repeatedly read, listen and do the exercises in the books. Find a group of assertive men to hang out with and emulate.
Realize that being a Nice Guy will work against you in life
Things You Need To Do:
A) Accept yourself just as you are.
B) Use mistakes as valuable learning tools
C) Stop seeking the approval of others
D) Use manipulation and machievallian strategies. Invest nothing in women so they see you as the prize. Let women invest in you.
E) Make your needs a priority, nobody elses.
F) Find people who are able to help meet your needs (ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT)
G) Learn to RARELY GIVE, and only when you can afford to WITHOUT strings attached
H) Face your fears (Read Feel The Fear and Do It Anyways.)
I) Develop integrity and honesty
J) Set boundaries (Very important with WOMEN and OTHER MEN)
K) Build meaningful relationships with men
L) Create healthier relationships with women
M) Experience and express their feelings
N) Deal with problems DIRECTLY
O) Develop intimate & satisfying sexual relationships
P) Find peace with the complexities and challenges of life.
Reading and APPLYING the wisdom within this book will help you develop all of these traits.
The key is taking the information and ACTIVELY applying it to your daily life.
In addition, you must do the exercises in the book.
Knowledge is only useful when it is ACTIVELY APPLIED.
Chapter Two: The Making of A Nice Guy
Most Nice Guys develop the Nice Guy Syndrome in childhood.
It usually happens as a result of abuse, bad parents, absentee parents, lack of a father, lack of praise, etc.
The child sees himself as the problem (not the flawed adults) and develops survival mechanisms.
A) Try to cope with the emotional and physical distress of being abandoned
B) Try to prevent similar events from happening again
C) Try to hide their internalized toxic shame (or perceived badness) from themselves and others.
Social Dynamics That Caused Nice Guys:
A) Transition from agrarian (farming) to an industrial economy
B) The movement of families from rural areas to urban areas
C) The absence of fathers from the home
D) The increase in divorce, single parent homes, and homes headed by women.
E) An Education system DOMINATED by women
F) Women’s lib and Feminism
G) Vietnam War
H) Sexual Revolution
Boys were separated from their fathers and other male role models.
Boys were left to be raised by women.
Feminism implied men were bad and/or unnecessary. “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
Basically, modern society directly pussified men by every single one of these methods.
Chapter Three: Learn To Please Yourself
The Ways Nice Guys Seek Approval:
Because Nice Guys do not believe they are OK as they are, they rely on external attachments or traits to convince themselves and other they are desirable.
Ways Nice Guys try to get approval:
Having Nice Hair, being smart, being non threatening, appearing unselfish, being different from other men, staying sober, being in good shape, a great dancer, a good lover, NEVER GETTING ANGRY, making other people happy, buying gifts, being nice, respecting women, never offending anyone.
The irony of attachments is that nobody values a man for any of these external traits.
The reality of the situation is this:
Women judge you, PRIMARILY by how you look, your money and your confidence and status.
Looks come first though. Being a good person only will not get you laid.
If you have to compensate with external attributes, you are already losing.
Everything a Nice Guy does is calculated to try to win approval or avoid disapproval.
Nice Guys frequently attempt to fix situations by doing whatever it takes to get the other person to stop being upset.
Nice Guys have the DEER Response: (DON’T EVER DO THESE AND STOP DOING THEM IF YOU ARE)
Defend – How come you didn’t do all the dishes? “I’ve been really busy, okay. Give me a break and get off my back.” – Defending makes you look weak and controllable.
Explain – Why haven’t you done the laundry? I’ve been busy with work and tired from work babe. I just haven’t had the free time. – Explaining makes you look WEAK and them the authority.
Excuse – How come you were late today? “Baby there were like three accidents on I-25, my job made me stay late and I’m tired.” – Excuses make you look like a man-child. Your are your word.
Rationalize – Why haven’t you gone back to school? – I’m working way too many hours, Im 29, im too old and way too stupid to go back. It’s a waste of time.
The DEER Response makes you come off as a weak, spineless bitch. Women can’t be attracted to a man they can’t respect. Period.
You instead want to train yourself to develop the DARE response.
Deflect – Flip the accusation onto them – Pressure flip. “Why aren’t the dishes done” Because you aren’t in the kitchen. – Demonstrates social superiority and AROUSAL through conflict
Amusedly Agree and Amplify “Your such an asshole” – Why do you like assholes so much? – Cocky, confident frame = arousal you’re confident in yourself and have a take it or leave it attitude.
Repeat – Repeat their statement when they ask a question “Where are we going?” – You’ll know when we get there. – Leaders don’t explain themselves. You are the captain of the ship.
Exit – Exit the situation – either by checking out of a conversation, withdrawing attention or leaving the physical area. “She says some stupid annoying shit.” – You withdraw attention and leave.
Recovering from NGS (Nice Guy Syndrome) means that instead of seeking external validation, the NIce Guy must begin seeking his own approval.
Learn to ask yourself: “What do I want,” What feels right to me,” What would make me happy?”
Chapter Four: Make Your Needs A Priority:
Nice Guys are “low-maintenance”. Nice Guy’s focus their attention on meeting everyone else’s needs while trying to be low maintenance.
This happens as a result of the Nice Guy’s dysfunctional, abusive, childhood.
⦁ Trying to appear needless and want-less
⦁ Making it difficult for others to give to them
⦁ Using “covert contracts” (Giving to Get)
⦁ Caretaking (Focusing your Time, Attention and Money on OTHERS needs – instead of your own
Nice Guys believe it is a virtue to have few needs or wants.
In reality, it is not a virtue – it’s a disease.
Learn to be direct with people – and women about your wants and needs.
Nice Guys are terrible receivers.
Nice Guys become extremely uncomfortable when they get what they want.
Getting their needs met contradicts Nice Guys childhood paradigms.
I can personally vouch for this.
I still feel uncomfortable when people give me free stuff or treat me nice.
It’s taken along time for me to be a good receiver.
Nice Guys rely on covert contracts to get ahead.
A covert contract is an unspoken agreement that the Nice Guy makes with life and others.
I will be a good nice person, and life will be good and problem free.
I will give gifts to a woman, and she will reciprocate with sex/attraction/romantic interest.
I will listen to a girls problems and in return she will see what great guy I am and reciprocate my romantic interest.
Unfortunately, because covert contracts are VAGUE and unspoken, they usually just end up frustrating the Nice Guy.
Caretaking – Focusing on another’s problems, needs, or feelings in order to feel valuable, get one’s own needs met, or to avoid dealing with one’s own problems or feelings
Becoming Truly Selfish:
“Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. “- Dr.Robert Glover
Confidence and Self-Assurance are attractive on a man.
Helpless, whiny, wimpy, needy and spineless are unattractive on a man.
Taking Responsibility For Their Own Needs Helps Nice Guys Get Their Needs Met
⦁ Having needs is part of being human.
⦁ Mature people make meeting their own needs a priority
⦁ Mature people ask for help meeting needs in clear and direct ways.
⦁ Other people really want to help you meet your needs.
⦁ This world is a place of abundance.
Chapter Five: Reclaiming Your Personal Power
Personal Power is a state of mind in which a man is confident he can handle whatever challenges life throws his way.
This power welcomes problems, challenges and adversity, meets them head on and is grateful for them.
Chapter Five mainly talks about facing fears, developing integrity, setting boundaries and dwelling reality.
Reclaiming Personal Power Includes:
⦁ Surrendering (Surrendering means letting go of what one can’t change and changing what one CAN.
⦁ Dwelling in Reality
⦁ Expressing Feelings
⦁ Facing fears
⦁ Developing Integrity
⦁ Setting Boundaries
Faulty Ways Nice Guys Try to Create A Smooth, Problem-Free Life:
⦁ Doing it Right
⦁ Playing it Safe
⦁ Anticipating and fixing
⦁ Trying not to Rock The Boat
⦁ Being Charming and helpful
⦁ Never being a moments problem
⦁ Using covert contracts
⦁ Controlling and manipulating
⦁ Withholding information
⦁ Repressing feelings
⦁ Making sure other people don’t have feelings
⦁ Avoiding problems and difficult situations
Additional Recommended Resources:
For more help with communicating directly with your romantic interest in woman, check out the following book reviews:
Chapter Six: Reclaim Your Masculinity:
“Contrary to the prevailing sentiments of the last few decades, it is ok to be a guy.”
Common Traits of Nice Guys:
⦁ Tend to be disconnected from other men.
⦁ Tend to be disconnected from their own masculinity.
⦁ Tend to be monogamous to their mothers.
⦁ Tend to be dependent on the approval of women.
Masculinity – that part of a man that equips him to survive as an individual, clan and species.
Empowers a man to create, product, protect.
Aspects Of Masculinity:
⦁ Aggressiveness, Destruction, Brutality
How to Reclaim your Masculinity:
⦁ Connect with other men
⦁ Get Strong
⦁ Find healthy male role models (Like a badass Special Forces member)
⦁ Re-examine your relationship with your father
Chapter Seven Get the Love You Want: Success Strategies for Intimate Relationships
“I’m a victim of her dysfunction.”
Reasons Why Nice Guys Struggle to Get The Love They Want:
⦁ Toxic Shame
⦁ Dysfunctional relationships they co-create
⦁ Their patterns of enmeshment and avoidance
⦁ The familiar childhood relationship dynamics they recreate
⦁ Their unconscious need to remain monogamous to their mom.
⦁ They are “bad enders” (They stay in relationships they should end.
Strategies to Build a Successful Relationship:
⦁ Approve of yourself
⦁ Put yourself first
⦁ Reveal yourself to safe people
⦁ Eliminate covert contracts
⦁ Take responsibility for your own needs
⦁ Dwell in Reality
⦁ Express their feelings
⦁ Develop Integrity
⦁ Set Boundaries
⦁ Embrace Their Masculinity
This chapter talks about how nice guys must learn to approve of themselves, take responsibility and set boundaries with people.
For a woman to feel safe with a man, she has to know that that man is willing to stand up to her.
“If a man can’t stand up to me, how can he stand up for me?”
This means setting boundaries about what you will and won’t tolerate.
Additional Strategies for Happy, Healthy Relationships:
⦁ Focus on Yourself, Not The Partner
⦁ Don’t reinforce undesired behaviors (call people out on their bullshit)
⦁ Do something different (ask yourself what a confident man would do)
Nice guys like the idea of a smooth and problem-free relationship. If their partner is unhappy, depressed, angry or having a problem they will attempt to fix it.
Chapter Eight: Get the Sex You Want – Success Strategies for Satisfying Sex:
This chapter talks about some of the common barriers that lead most nice guys to have an underwhelming sex life.
The Nice Guys Problems With Sex:
⦁ Not Getting Enough
⦁ Having to settle for less than satisfying sex.
⦁ Sexual dysfunction.
⦁ Sexual repression.
⦁ Compulsive sexual behavior (addictions and negative habits)
⦁ Avoidance of Sexual Situations/Opportunities
⦁ Trying to be a Good Lover (Instead, please yourself.)
⦁ Settling for bad/mediocre sex
Doing Something Different:
⦁ Let Go of the concept of being a great lover
⦁ Practice being clear and direct
⦁ Choose available partners
⦁ Don’t Settle for scraps
⦁ Decided that bad sex is worse then NO sex
Chapter Nine: Get The Life You Want: Discover Your Passion and Purpose in Life, Work and Career:
Reasons Why Nice Guy’s Tend to Be Less Then They Can Be:
⦁ Trying to do it right
⦁ Trying to do everything themselves
⦁ A distorted self-image
⦁ Deprivation thinking
⦁ Staying stuck in familiar but dysfunctional systems
Realizing Your Passion and Potential:
⦁ Face Fears and move through them
⦁ Chart Your Own Path
⦁ Let Go of Trying To Do It Right
⦁ Learn to Ask For Help
⦁ Identify Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
List of Rules: (Write these Down on Flash Cards and Review Daily)
These rules form the most important part of the book.
Write them down where you will see them every day and review them , DAILY. LIVE BY THESE COMMANDS:
1. If it frightens you, do it.
2. Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.
3. Put yourself first.
4. No matter what happens, you will handle it.
5. Whatever you do, do it one hundred percent.
6. If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.
7. You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.
8. Ask for what you want.
9. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different.
10. Be clear and direct.
11. Learn to say “no.”
12. Don’t make excuses.
13. If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.
14. Let people help you.
15. Be honest with yourself.
16. Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever
17. Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.
18. Don’t tolerate the intolerable – ever.
19. Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.
20. Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.
21. Accept the consequences of your actions.
22. Be good to yourself.
23. Think “abundance.”
24. Face difficult situations and conflict head on.
25. Don’t do anything in secret.
26. Do it now.
27. Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.
28. Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong
29. Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.
30. Control is an illusion. Let go. Let life happen.
No More Mr. Nice Guy is an excellent book that will help you go from a weak, spineless Nice Guy to a dominant, responsible, strong and successful man.
Be sure and do all the breaking free exercises and find a group to hold you accountable.
Read, listen, and remember – Repetition is the mother of skill.
For you to really benefit from this book, you’ve got to learn and then APPLY what you’ve learned.
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