- 1 Dating Essentials For Men
- 1.1 Dr. Robert Glover Dating Essentials
- 1.2 Dating Essentials for Men Review
- 1.3 Dating Essentials for Men Summary:
- 1.4 Master Your Mind Half of DEFM:
- 1.4.1 Chapter 1: Blast the Lies your Mind Tells You About Yourself & Women
- 1.4.2 Chapter 2: The Joy Of Dating – Uncover and Overcome Your SLB’s
- 1.4.3 The Three Types of SLB’s (1)Negative Thoughts, 2)Distorted Thoughts, 3)Judgmental Thoughts
- 1.4.4 Chapter 3: Eliminate Your Fear of Rejection – Forever!
- 1.4.5 Chapter 4: Discover The Power of Abundance Thinking
- 1.4.6 Chapter 5: Overcome Your Anxiety With Woman
- 1.4.7 THE MANTRA TO LIVE BY:
- 1.4.8 Chapter 6: Take a Breath and Soothe Yourself
- 1.4.9 Chapter 7: Use the Secret Women Don’t Want You to Know to Your Advantage
- 1.4.10 Myths and Realities About Women:
- 1.4.11 Chapter 8: Break Your Addiction to Superficial Beauty
- 1.4.12 Chapter 9: Create a Lifestyle That Attracts Woman Naturally
- 1.4.13 Chapter 10: Activate Women’s Basic Biological Urges
- 1.4.14 Chapter 11: Pay Attention To Detail (She Does)
- 1.4.15 Chapter 12: Use the Internet To Your Advantage
- 1.5 Perfect Your Practice , 2nd Half of DEFM:
- 1.5.1 Chapter 13: Commit to Going out With 12 Women in 12 Weeks
- 1.5.2 Chapter 14: Avoid The Number-One Mistake All Nice Guys Make With Women
- 1.5.3 Chapter 15: Learn and Practice the Secrets of Natural Players
- 1.5.4 Chapter 16: You’ve got Her Attention, Now Drive Up Her Interest
- 1.5.5 Chapter 17: Banter and Flirt Like a Pro (Even if You’re Shy or Introverted)
- 1.5.6 Chapter 18: Follow This Roadmap to Find Your RGW (Really Great Woman)
- 1.5.7 If you aren’t planning on settling down into a LTR (Long Term Relationship) at this point, I would reccomend skipping this chapter.
(BY ROBERT GLOVER)
Dr. Robert Glover Dating Essentials
Dating Essentials for Men (DEEFM) is one of the most practical, ACTIONABLE books on dating for men EVER written.
If I had a son this is the book I would give him when we had “the talk.”
DEFM was published in 2019 on kindle and now, it is finally on paperback!
You can purchase this masterpiece of a book by clicking the following links below:
(Affiliate Disclaimer – These links are Amazon affiliate links and I get a cut at no cost to you – please HELP support me by purchasing your copy of this fantastic book:
Dr. Glover is a Psychotherapist who has helped thousands of men for the past three decades via, podcasts, counseling, group sessions, his book and individual one on one therapy.
His first book, No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) has been a staple in the mano-sphere since it was first published.
I believe DEFM complements NMMNG extremely well.
DEFM covers dating and becoming attractive to the opposite success. “Outer Game”
NMMNG covers internal thoughts and behavior “Inner Game.
No More Mr. Nice Guy is another great book – but I firmly believe that Dating Essentials for Men is a “smoother” read.
The audiobook is fantastic as well. Robert Glover’s narration is on point, pleasing to the ear, and well spoken.
I’ve listened to the audiobook 4 times and read the Ebook 2 times.
This review is coming at a great time – Dr. Glover finally published Dating Essentials For Men in paperback.
Their is one critical distinction between Dr. Robert Glover and PUA types (Pickup Artists & Dating coaches) that bears mention.
That distinction is this:
PUA and Dating Coaches sell techniques that IGNORE reality and the INDIVIDUAL.
Dr. Glover tells you straight up from the jump – your looks matter.
He doesn’t offer canned routine, corny pickup lines or pseudo-intellectual techniques.
What he does offer is tough love and actionable advice.
He also makes a very key suggestion. – Make a woman the frosting of your life, not a cake.
I’ve ready plenty of books on “GAME”, “SEDUCTION”, getting better with women and pickup.
This one is BY FAR THE BEST on the subject.
Most books on getting better with women focus 95% on FLUFF and BOLOGNA.
Dating Essentials For Men Focuses on what really matters – YOU.
This article gives you a brief “preview” of the wealth of VALUABLE information in this gem of a book.
The Major Difference Between Robert Glover & PUA/Dating Coaches
The major difference between Robert Glover and other “dating coaches, pickup-artists and men’s coaches is quite simple.
Robert Glover is NOT a “NATURAL” and not a “THEORIST”.
A natural would be someone who was just naturally gifted with women and excelled in the mating and sex game.
A theorist would be someone who has not seen if their theory holds up in reality.
Dr. Glover has been on both sides of the equation.
He’s been married and divorced three times.
Dr. Glover is a “Recovering Nice Guy”.
No More Mr. Nice Guy was aimed at Nice Guys and the “Nice Guy Syndrome.”
Dating Essentials for men is focused on BD’s – Bad Daters.
Below, I will g
Continue reading friend.
Dating Essentials for Men Review
I rate the book 9 out of 10.
DEFM is divided into two distinct sections – Mastering Your Mind (MYM) and Perfecting Your Practice (PYP).
The first half of the book, MYM focuses on challenging limiting beliefs & fear that stop you from taking action.
The second half of the book, PYP focuses on learning new skills & routines that will help you meet and talk to women and get what you want.
Here is a brief concise breakdown of some of the massive pearls of wisdom in this book.
Read on my friend.
Dating Essentials for Men Summary:
Intro – Robert Glover makes an important point straight off The intro.
Dating is NOT ingrained in our human DNA and has only been around for a few generations.
Even so, dating skills are ESSENTIAL for finding lovers, mate’s and sexual partners in this modern world.
Most men struggle with dating and most skills don’t come naturally – especially if you haven’t had a male role model to show you the ropes.
A key point that Dr. Glover states is:
“Don’t try to figure out how to do it “right. Just get out there and do something. And then get out there and do it some more. “
“IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT.”
Glover tells men to do the following:
- Get out of the house
- Expand your route
- Linger in public
- Talk to people everywhere you go
- Test For Interest
- Walk through Open Doors
I’ve tried all of the above methods and can confirm they ALL WORK.
DEFM is about expanding your social and emotional IQ and IT WORKS!
Essential Life Skills DEFM will teach:
- Confronting SLB’s (Self Limiting Belief’s)
- Stretching Yourself – Getting out of Your Comfort Zone
- Letting go of attachment AKA Outcome Independence
- Setting the Tone & Taking the Lead
- Getting to Rejection Quickly
- Becoming a “GOOD ENDER”
Master Your Mind Half of DEFM:
Chapter 1: Blast the Lies your Mind Tells You About Yourself & Women
“The world we have created is a product of our thinking. It cannot change without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein.
This chapter covers the three major problems most Bad Daters have.
- Lack of Skills
The key point he makes is your brain LIES to you all the time.
While reading or listening to DEFM you will often have your internal monologue say “BULLSHIT.”
“I CAN’T DO THAT.” “THAT MIGHT WORK FOR OTHER MEN, BUT NOT ME.”
SLB’s can often become Self Fulfilling Prophecies because human tend to act in accordance with their deepest held beliefs.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford
Glover also touches on Toxic Shame – Toxic shame is the deeply held, unconscious belief that you are bad, defective, or unlovable.
Kids live in an ego-centered world, so when people act in bad ways towards them they think they are the problem.
They internalize and carry this shame without them throughout life.
Chapter 2: The Joy Of Dating – Uncover and Overcome Your SLB’s
“Your mind believes what your mind tells itself is true, and it is WRONG more often then not.”
This chapter touches on self-limiting beliefs that keep Bad Dater’s stuck and unhappy.
Dating brings out SLB’s like NOTHING ELSE.
I can vouch for this statement – cold approaching and dating women will bring out every SLB you have.
SLB’s KEEP YOU FROZEN, LONELY, and STUCK and cause you to miss OPPORTUNITIES.
The Three Types of SLB’s (1)Negative Thoughts, 2)Distorted Thoughts, 3)Judgmental Thoughts
Subtypes of SLB’s:
- SLB’s that lead to inaction
- SLB’s that play in your head after a missed opportunity
- SLB’s About Yourself (EX: “I’m too…” ” I could never”)
- SLB’s About Women ( EX: “All women are gold diggers.”
- SLB’s About Sex
- SLB’s About the World
The most POWERFUL tool to OVERCOMING SLB’s is Stepping Outside your Comfort Zone and Challenging your SLB’s.
For example, Imagine you work out at gym and firmly believed that it was IMPOSSIBLE to bench 225 pounds.
The most you had ever done was 205.
I spot you one day.
Without letting you know, I put two ten pound plates on either end.
The weight feels heavier, but you are still able to bench it for four reps.
After words, you notice how much weight is on the bar.
This would permanently annihilate the FALSE SLB that you could not bench press 225 pounds.
Ways to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone:
- Go Places You Don’t Usually Go
- Talk To Everyone You Meet
- Make and Hold Eye Contact
- Ask a Woman To Meet you For Coffee ( I recommend Alcohol instead)
- Tell a Woman to Give You Her Phone Number
Chapter 3: Eliminate Your Fear of Rejection – Forever!
Rejection doesn’t hurt!
Glover references a key episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza does the opposite of his SLB’s.
He ends up getting a hot girlfriend and a job with the Yankees.
This chapter will help you overcome and push past your fears to get to rejection quickly.
Stop seeing rejection as a blow to your EGO and start seeing it as nothing more then a result.
“I value myself and my time so I want to get to Rejection/Reciprocation quickly.”
That is the message you should tell yourself.
Chapter 4: Discover The Power of Abundance Thinking
-Adopt a daily gratitude practice
-Adopt an Abundance Mindset instead of a Deprivation/Scarcity Mindset
If you have deprivation thinking you will feel their are not enough dateable women out there and when you do get a women you will become needy and insecure.
Ironically this needy behavior makes it more likely that you guys will break up.
When you live in deprivation you end up playing it safe and doing the same old thing that has never worked.
Perception is Reality – If you believe the world is one of scarcity you will act in accordance with that belief.
Chapter 5: Overcome Your Anxiety With Woman
Thinking causes anxiety, acting cures it.
Your brain would rather stick with comfortable, familiar routines.
Even if those familiar routines and habits are causing you nothing but misery.
BD’s often spend a lot of time doing “anxiety management”.
Anxiety management is the ongoing, often unconscious attempt to prevent uncomfortable feelings.
Forms of Anxiety Management:
4)Playing it Safe
6) Doing the Same Old Thing Over and Over Again
Your mind would rather manage old familiar anxieties than to confront new and unknown ones.
ANXIETY management focuses on trying to control people, things and situations OUTSIDE of you.
In contrast, Self-soothing is an internal process.
Self-soothing is calming the anxiety inside of you instead of trying to manage events outside of you.
It involves consciously leaning into the fear while calming yourself from within.
Glover recommends the book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers.
In her book Susan Jeffers asserts that all the fear is the result of your mind telling you “I can’t handle it.”
THE MANTRA TO LIVE BY:
“I CAN HANDLE IT.”
Chapter 6: Take a Breath and Soothe Yourself
Breathe up through your asshole.
Diaphragmatic breathing (Breathing through your belly) is the natural way to breath.
When you hyperventilate and take shallow breathes through your chest, you increase your anxiety.
Visualize Positive Results – Your mind is a problem-solving machine.
Your mind can create NEGATIVE scenarios.
These scenarios will ALMOST NEVER happen – but serve as a convenient excuse to stop taking action.
Choose to instead visualize a POSITIVE Scenario.
Stop Trying to Figure Out Why Women Do What They Do
Most behavior is controlled by unconscious actions.
Female Interest is Binary. Women either have high interest or Low Interest.
Never take anything a woman does personally.
Chapter 7: Use the Secret Women Don’t Want You to Know to Your Advantage
This chapter is about the myth’s around women that society has taught men.
Most men put women on a pedestal and treat them like they are these Angelic perfect beings that can do no wrong and are unattainable.
The reality is that women are imperfect, wounded human creatures with emotional baggage and issues just like men.
Learn to take women off a pedestal. This process will help you let go of rage, resentment anxiety and feelings of helplessness.
Women want men they can LOOK UP TO – NOT a spineless wimp who puts them on a pedestal.
Myths and Realities About Women:
- M:Women are Inherently Superior To Men R: Most women have low self esteem
- M:Women are Complicated R: Women seek security and are emotional; not rational.
- M:Women are Naturally Good at Relationships R: A woman can’t follow where a man doesn’t lead.
- M:Women Expect Perfection from Men R: Woman want a dominant, masculine man who makes them feel safe and leads.
- M:Friends to Lovers R: Women don’t fuck a man they have gotten to know. They get to know a man they want to fuck. Friend zone is for losers and wimps.
- M:Women are the Cake of Life R: Women are the “icing”, not the cake. Never rely on a woman to give your life meaning or make her the center of your life.
Chapter 8: Break Your Addiction to Superficial Beauty
Beauty fades, but mean, moody and entitled last forever.
Many beta males and loser men think they deserve a 9 or 10 “bombshell.”
The problem with judging women solely off of looks is you are completely overlooking her personality and character.
Figure out the most important quality in a woman, beyond looks.
I value loyalty and trust over anything else.
I would rather marry a “Plain Jane” who I could trust then an Instagram model or model that I couldn’t.
As long as you are SOMEWHAT attracted to the woman, don’t make you beauty your only priority.
I call this the “MINIMUM ATTRACTION THRESHOLD.”
Personally – I have fucked some “Boogawolfs” (Below average or overweight women) in my lifetime.
I regretted it after words. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
NEVER fuck a woman you would not feel comfortable being seeing with in public or with friends.
Most nice guys and bad dater’s turn hot women into “sexual celebrities.”
Just remember: If you treat someone like a celebrity, they will treat you like a FAN.
Chapter 9: Create a Lifestyle That Attracts Woman Naturally
A great woman is the icing, not the cake.
This chapter focuses on a blunt truth.
No women can complete your life. Women were meant to COMPLIMENT YOU.
COMPLIMENT!! – NOT COMPLETE!!
You must set out to create a passionate, active, fulfilled interesting, growing and happy life.
You must focus on Bringing Something To The Table.
You have to work at being the kind of man a woman would want AND accept yourself just as you are.
Women won’t reject you for the reasons you think – but they do expect you to bring something to the table.
A good rule of thumb is to work on developing specific traits:
Women want a confident, dominant, masculine, fit, charismatic, kinky, stylish man with his shit together.
That’s the bottom line.
It took me YEARS to REALIZE that.
Attraction is not a choice.
“To attract attractive people, you must be attractive.” – Jim Rohn
Women are both security seeking creatures and sensual creatures.
BEING NICE DOESN’T TURN WOMEN ON.
Women say they want a nice guy.
Frankly, that is some FUCKING BULLSHIT.
Women want a confident, strong, dominant, successful, charismatic man who can lead them, make them feel a sense of security, trust and safety.
In short, women want a man they can LOOK UP TO. Women want a LEADER.
You can get out there AND date WHILE you are Working on Yourself.
A woman can’t think higher of you than you THINK OF YOURSELF.
You have to make a great cake of a life – only then can a woman be the icing on top.
Ingredients to a Great Cake:
- Passion – Pursuing your passions in work, hobby & recreation. Whatever you do, DO IT WITH PASSION. Make your passion your number #1 priority.
- Guy Friends – Guy friends keep you masculine, give you emotional support and give you someone to vent to. NEVER tell a woman about your problems or have female friends.
- Regular Exercise – Lose the gut, build up your body – and build your discipline.
- Lean Into Challenge – Most Nice Guy’s and Bad Dater’s tend to regularly choose COMFORT over CHALLENGE. Choose the hard road and lean into challenge on a DAILY BASIS.
- Develop and maintain a spiritual practice
- Give your gift to the world
- Get Organized, keep your car and house clean, pay attention to personal grooming & create a beautiful space around you
- Learn to dance, have regular hobbies and meditate
- Do It Now – Eliminate the stress of having things hanging over you
- Get out of debt and save
- Every day, make your bed do your dishes, hang up your clothes, keep your bathroom picked up
- Limit television and internet surfing
- Take classes.
Poisonous Fillers to Avoid
If you leave out any of these ingredients you will seek something else to fill the void.
Fillers include food, alcohol, drugs, porn, a woman or excessive work.
Never give a woman too much of your time, energy or attention.
Phone is for setting meet ups only. Your mission should be your main lady.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Let a woman’s girlfriends and orbiters be her EMOTIONAL TAMPON.
Chapter 10: Activate Women’s Basic Biological Urges
“I’m useless without my mojo” – Austin Powers
Major Flaws in the “Nice Guy” Strategy:
1)Being nice to a woman is an ATTEMPT to WIN HER APPROVAL.
This comes off as WEAK.
Instead, if you don’t care what a woman thinks about you, you can talk to her with a COOL, DETACHMENT that projects CONFIDENCE.
Caring too much makes you timid, anxious and fearful.
2)When you are being overly polite, gracious, giving, and passively pleasing with a woman, she will
PERCEIVE YOU TO BE OF LOWER STATUS THAN HER.
Woman want the CEO – not the Coffee/Errand Boy.
3)Being Nice does nothing to turn women, but makes you look like a friend. Biology will not allow women to be attracted to a nice guy.
4)Niceness will do nothing more then MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A WIMP OR “GIRLFRIEND WITH A PENIS.”
Why do you want a woman?
ONE PRIMARY REASON – SEX!
THE NUMBER #1 APHRODASIAC – CONFIDENCE
Since women are “security seeking creatures”, they are attracted to the following traits:
All of these activate a woman’s security meter.
CONFIDENCE and MOJO – Why BD’s lack Both.
BD’s project a lack of confidence.
Men who are comfortable with having a strong sexual agenda interact with women with a minimum of anxiety and maximum of confidence.
This is MOJO.
Men who are uncomfortable or indirect about their sexual intent interact with women in a fearful, unconfident manner.
Bad Dater’s get it backwards.
They try to become a women’s friend while HIDING sexual interest.
It is actually your initial sexual interest that starts you down the path to a potentially fulfilling relationship.
I used to do this all the time.
Always lead with your sexual interest from the jump.
Chapter 11: Pay Attention To Detail (She Does)
“God is in the details” – Ludwig Mie’s Van der Rohe
Bad Daters and Nice Guys tend to share certain traits.
- A Lack of Focus
- Inattention to Detail
- Problems following through
What Turns Women On:
- Attention to Detail
Personal Grooming – Every time you walk out the front door, look like you are going someplace important.
A) Hair – You want a style that looks good, suits you, and is regularly trimmed.
B) Teeth – Floss and brush daily, go to a dentist twice a year and WHITEN your teeth. Consider braces or veneers if you have bad teeth
C)Your Body – Slim down and build Up. – Women are security seeking creatures. Your body either projects security or a lack of control and self-respect.
D)Finger Nails – Long nails, dirty, ragged = Turn off.
E) Facial Hair – Unkempt facial hair = BUM. Facial hair should be groomed & trimmed.
F)Man-scaping – Armpits, Pubic Area and Chest & Back Hair should be trimmed. Nose & Ear Hair.
G)Cologne – Moderate cologne. Too much is bad, too little is bad.
H) Overall Appearance – Be willing to spend money on your appearance, including surgery. Contacts, dental work, LASIK and plastic surgery are all WORTH IT.
“Clothes makes the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain
Develop and invest in your own style.
BUY QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.
Shoes are the first thing most women notice when they see a man.
Invest in high quality top end shoes. Keep your shoes clean, polish them and resole them.
When shoes get dusty and worn out, THROW THEM OUT.
Asking for Help
Ask someone who has good taste to go shopping with you.
Hire a style consultant if necessary.
Women view your home as a reflection of you.
The more your personal space is organized, clean & sensually pleasing the more attractive women will find you.
By creating a warm, inviting, clean & comfortable home you will feel good about your space and being there.
Hire a professional cleaner and stay organized.
Your car says a lot about you. No matter what you drive, keep it clean.
Figure out if you have certain mannerisms or habits that other people find annoying or inappropriate. Ask close trusted friends.
As Rom Will said in his book Nice Guys & Players “Women often tell me: He was good looking till he opened his mouth.” (Don’t talk yourself out of getting laid.)
Trying to impress women will come off as needy and weak.
Own who you are. Have fun and pay attention to detail.
Chapter 12: Use the Internet To Your Advantage
Dating is a numbers game.
(AJ Lifts: About a third of my lays have been from OLD (Online Dating). The rest have been from cold approach. The great thing about OLD is it gives you a sense of abundance and options, which is IMPORTANT.
A Tool, Not a Crutch
Many Nice Guys and Bad Daters RELY solely on Online Dating.
The truth is these men are weak cowards and too afraid to risk IN PERSON REJECTION.
OLD is a valuable tool but it should never be the sole avenue in which you add women to your pipeline.
Men use OLD as a REJECTION BUFFER. (Way to avoid rejection.)
Women use OLD for VALIDATION and MALE ATTENTION.
Online dating is all about your pictures and the story they tell.
The Real World is where MIRACLES happen. Not online.
Robert Glovers recommends that OLD makes up no more then 25% of your dating effort.
I agree with this assertion.
OLD is very shallow and looks based.
Unless you are in the top 20% of men, your results will be average at BEST.
Each photo should be distinct and tell a story. Never take selfies. Take photos doing cool things and with other people.
Many women will waste your time on online dating if you let them.
Get phone numbers and then set up dates ASAP.
Avoid extended chat conversations.
Perfect Your Practice , 2nd Half of DEFM:
Chapter 13: Commit to Going out With 12 Women in 12 Weeks
Practice makes perfect.
The goal of this chapter is straightforward.
Challenge yourself to go on 12 dates with 12 different women over the next weeks.
Let Go Of Attachment to Outcome
The 12/12 approach allows you to PRACTICE dating skills like:
- Approaching women
- Asking women out
- Having conversations with women
- Setting the tone/taking the lead
- 3Ts (Touch, Tease and Tell)
- Being clear & direct
- Being a good ender
How To Ask A Women Out:
Tell, NEVER ask. Have a specific plan. (AJ Lifts: Nighttime dates only. Day and Afternoon are for girlfriends and nice guys in the friend zone)
NO FRIDAYS or SATURDAYS.
Your dates have one of two goals
- Get laid
- Screen her to see if she is GF material
First Date Basics
- Be attentive & pay attention to details.
- Direct Eye Contact at all times.
- Don’t be negative or critical, don’t talk about exes. Stay away from serious subjects (politics, relationship, marriage, abortion, etc)
- Don’t try to impress her
- TEST FOR INTEREST
- SET THE TONE AND TAKE THE LEAD
- ALWAYS BE ESCALATING – PHYSICALLY TOUCH HER BODY – IF NO RESISTANCE THEN ESCALATE
Touch her, Tell her to do something and Tease her AT LEAST ONCE, IDEALLY MORE.
- Breathe & Relax your shoulders
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes
- Imagine the best
- Be Yourself
- Have Fun
- NEVER BRING GIFTS OR FLOWERS – TWO MONTHS MINIMUM, IDEALLY NEVER
- NEVER COMPLIMENT HER ON HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE/BODY
- Be a good Ender – If they have RED FLAGS – END IT
Let’s Be Friends
Women NEVER make the leap from platonic friend to wild & crazy sex partner.
Never give a women your NON platonic attention. Women make shit friends.
Practice, Practices and Practice some more
Chapter 14: Avoid The Number-One Mistake All Nice Guys Make With Women
A woman can’t follow where a man doesn’t lead.
If you fail to set the tone (BY ASSERTING YOUR SEXUAL AGENDA,) the women will and will set the tone of becoming “FRIENDS”.
What happens when you :Boldly Set the Tone and Take the Lead
- You stimulate a woman’s interest
- You avoid wasting time on a woman with low interest.
- You project confidence and self-assurance
- You avoid falling into the dreaded “friend zone.”
The golden rule of setting the tone and taking the lead is that you always treat a woman with integrity and respect.
DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND INVITE A WOMAN TO JOIN YOU.
A healthy woman wants a man with a plan who can make decisions & who can communicate.
When A Man Fails to To Lead & Set The Tone The Woman:
- Feels unsafe
- Loses Trust
- Loses Sexual Desire
- Has to escalate Testing Behavior
- Has to become controlling
Conversely, the Man Becomes:
- Emotionally Unavailable
Women should only have to decide one thing – is she going to meet you or NOT.
Set the tone early in a relationship. How you start is how you finish.
Phone & Texting is for Logistics Only. Excess chatting WILL put you in the friend zone.
KEEP ON SETTING THE TONE
Never defend or explain yourself . Never allow a woman to treat you badly. Be willing to walk away. Don’t Argue.
Let Go Of Attachment To Outcome
- Tell yourself a woman’s response is never personal.
- Tell yourself “No Matter what happens, I can handle it.”
- Treat dating as research.
- See all interactions as an adventure.
Chapter 15: Learn and Practice the Secrets of Natural Players
Most men quit testing before a woman quits showing high interest
Every interaction with a woman servers as a test of interest.
A woman has high interest or low interest. That’s all you have to find out. It’s not personal.
Testing raises interest and lets you get to rejection quickly. There is no middle ground.
She either has high interest in interacting with your or low interest.
“I have a boyfriend.” “I’m busy all next week.” “I don’t give out my number.” = LOW INTEREST
No More Guessing
Using the “secret” you can let go of trying to figure out how to say the right thing to say.
You can stop worrying, not guess, not worry and not try to read a woman’s mind
You can test everyone you meet – not just attractive women.
Level 1 Testing: Social Pleasantries
Level 1 testing consists of the most basic social interactions.
EX: Smiling, making & maintaining eye contacting, saying hello, commenting on the weather. OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS.
Level 2 Testing: Finding Commonality
Level Two testing is organic. You don’t make it happen, you just go with it when it happens spontaneously.
At level 2 women often let you know if they are with someone.
Observe her for signs of high interest:
Lingering, flirting, eye contact, smiles, asking you questions, touching you, laughing at your jokes, suggestive comments,
moving toward you, touching her hair, talking to her friends about you and inviting you to join her in some activity.
Moving Closer to her, push/pull (leaning in & out), touching her arm, small of her back, whispering in her ear, touching an accessory, taking her hand, kissing her cheek.
Chapter 16: You’ve got Her Attention, Now Drive Up Her Interest
Make a bold gesture of the lusty type.
Level 3 Testing: Closing The Deal
Make a bold gesture of the lusty type.
– Most men quit Testing before a woman quits showing high interest
The two most common socially acceptable ways to Test at Level 3:
- Get A # Number
- Tell a woman to meet you for a specific event at a specific time.
Learn to test with everyone you meet – Have conversations.
Testing for interest is the most effective way to get a woman’s attention & boost her interest level.
Testing inserts you into her consciousness. If she doesn’t know you exist, she can’t have high interest.
Testing projects confidence and creates Positive Emotional Tension (PET).
Women need PET for attraction.
Be Bold. – Every test has to be clear so that the woman’s response to it is equally clear.
“NICE” ways of asking fail to drive interest UP.
Get to Rejection Quickly
Be willing to risk being told “NO.” Lean into fear of rejection.
Your goal is to get to rejection as quickly as possible.
Detach from all investment in outcomes.
Attachment to outcome makes you RISK AVERSE.
Effective testing REQUIRES RISK.
If you interact with a woman thinking “I hope she likes me” , your testing will lose effectiveness.
You will seem needy & timid, not assured and confident.
LET THINGS GO WHERE THEY GO.
Needing approval is the biggest hindrance from moving from L2 to -> L3.
Freezing Guys walk away without pulling the trigger.
These men are ATTACHED to a woman’s approval.
Your need for feminine approval is actually what has kept you from getting the love & sex you want.
Most men quit testing before women QUIT showing high interest.
Give her the chance to say NO or YES.
Set the tone & take the lead.
Chapter 17: Banter and Flirt Like a Pro (Even if You’re Shy or Introverted)
Relax, take the lid off and let the real you come out
Bad Dater’s make various excuses like:
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t know how to talk to a woman.”
These guys are really saying they don’t know how to BANTER or FLIRT.
Bantering & Flirting demonstrate confidence –they display your social IQ, your intelligence and your comfort with your sexuality.
Create a Feeling
Attraction for a woman is partly based on how she feels.
Bantering and Flirting are an ideal way to create a positive feeling state.
Test for Interest & make her feel good.
Bantering & Flirting are all about being yourself.
You just have to relax, take the lid off, and let the real you come out.
Get Out of Your Head
Successful bantering & flirting require that you see yourself as a fun person.
Eye to Eye
Always make strong eye contact.
Check people out. If a woman notices your look, look her in the eye and hold your look for just a moment longer than which you are comfortable.
Say the things that come to your mind without filtering or editing.
Touch is essential.
Touch is what distinguishes the contact from a dry, impersonal conversation about the weather.
The arm is the safest place to touch a woman.
Brief Arm Touch ->She Reciprocates= High Interest
Brief Arm Touch ->She Rejects/Freaks out = Low Interest
If she has high interest, she will match your touch.
Questions are a great way to banter and flirt with women.
Humor and Playfulness
Humor is a powerful tool for bantering and flirting.
Teasing is critical with flirting for women.
When you tease a woman, always do it with a smile, never be mean, critical, or demeaning.
Practice teasing with guy friends. This is a primary way that men express affection to each other.
Blurting involves bypassing the editor in your mind and just saying what you are thinking.
Women with high interest respond well when you tease them,
Why women are attracted to men who can make them laugh:
- It relaxes them, removes fear of an agenda, creates a feeling a security, creates comfort, makes her feel know, and releases anxiety.
Tell short stories about life experiences that have a point.
If you are having problems thinking of what to say to a woman – it is usually because she has low interest.
When a woman shows high interest, conversations are usually a breeze.
Bantering and flirting will seem natural and spontaneous.
Bantering and flirting are mental and begin in the mind.
They have everything to do with how you make someone feel.
How you make someone feel is based on how you feel about you.
Get out of the house, create a full and interesting life and challenge your self-limiting beliefs.
Practice, Practice, Practice.
And have fun!
Chapter 18: Follow This Roadmap to Find Your RGW (Really Great Woman)
How you date determines the kind of relationship you end up with.
The theme of this chapter is that the way most people date is absolutely the worst possible foundation upon which to build a healthy relationship.
The average bad dater gets way too clingy, invests too much too soon, ignores red flags and does everything to keep the relationship together.
If you aren’t planning on settling down into a LTR (Long Term Relationship) at this point, I would reccomend skipping this chapter.